Ice Cream @ Home

What is that? Is that a tweet? Who am I tweeting at? I’m tweeting at YOU, kid. I don’t use Twitter so I still call it an “at-tweet” instead of using it in some kind of a sentence, which I assume is the intention. I’m at-tweeting all of you AT home. The #, this thing, is really starting to get to me too just in looking over the shoulder of Adam Linder of Sister City‘s Twitter feed.

You’ll notice that I’ve linked to bandcamp not because I think all websites are the same, but only because it’s more valuable to you since you’re a record industry veteran looking for the fresh new face of INDIE-PUNK(!!!) with an honest burst of sometimes cynical but always clever lyricism that breaks the verse-chorus-verse-chorus mold like WHOA! Want some jello for that mold? No, because I don’t have one! This band is like nailing jello to a MOLD, people, WITHOUT THE MOLD!!! Early-adopt already!!

The future of music entertainment.

Secondly, I thought of the title “Ice Cream, Meet Your Maker,” but then decided no, I’m not gonna be that person. At my interning stint over at Worcester Magazine, I jumped into that person’s pun-tacular shoes many times, but you know… Neither the time nor place.

[I’ve taken the liberty of bolding important points for your complete and utter convenience.]

Thirdly, one way to have ice cream at home is to transport it there from the store, or dairy farm if you are a lucky duck. The OTHER way is to make it at home.

What is your definition of home? Discuss.

I recently made the ecstatic purchase of an ice cream maker. This lovely model that cost $40, which I don’t think is too high a price to pay for ULTIMATE AND ETERNAL CONTROL over EVERY ice cream flavor EVER from here on out. Free shipping if you’ve got Amazon Prime, hot shot.

Question: What does an ice cream maker do? Is it magic? Does it do magic tricks? The answer is, in many ways, yes. The point of an ice cream maker is to freeze and blend simultaneously. You keep the bowl in the freezer for about 24 hours, and assemble it in the order shown below and turn it on thus spinning the bowl and keeping the mixing paddle still. Then add cream+sugar+etc. that you have simmered beforehand to dissolve the sugar. No grains. This isn’t RICE for gosh’s’s sake. The bowl inside the ice cream maker that spins DOES in fact have magic inside of it because it stays very cold and transfers its extreme coldness to your cream+sugar mixture. It will freeze into the consistency of soft serve ice cream in about TWENTY MINUTES then unfortunately you have to freeze it for a couple hours. Which is besides the point.

Visual of how you stack it all up. These are the inner workings!

Question: Can I still have the unbridled joy of making ice cream at home without buying an appliance that takes up space and I will feel guilty for abandoning once the novelty wears off? Again, the answer is yes. The texture may not be AS smooth, but there are a few methods to blend and freeze ALTERNATELY instead of SIMULTANEOUSLY. Mission is still accomplished. You can freeze for a few hours, then pour the contents into a blender or food processor and blend til smooth. Wait a few more hours, then repeat. I’ve done this with this DELICIOUS Cooking Light recipe for chocolate sorbet. Instead of blending, you could also put the mixture in a large ziplock bag and crush it by any means necessary until it is uniform slush, then do the same process. How long does this take? Eh. Maybe blend it 3 times then wait til completely frozen.

Obviously this is a fairly tedious process. Only for those who enjoy a good experiment, since it is unlikely to match restaurant or manufacturer quality product in texture.

My activity so far
Since I try to scale back my indulgences and have been to the gym a whopping eight times in the past 13 days, I have yet to make a triple peanut butter cup espresso fudge oreo caramel ice cream. And yes, I’m trying to be healthy so why would I have temptation shipped (free) directly to my doorstep? I know, okay? Don’t laugh like you’re smarter than me.

Two batches
1) Peanut Butter Ice Cream from I have no idea what this website is. I used 2 cups whole milk (instead of heavy cream) and 1 cup 1% milk (instead of whole milk). Turned out AMAZING, I believe because peanut butter has enough oil/fat in it to hold its own with these less-fatty dairy products.

Vanilla mountains. Here, black dots are good because they are vanilla beans. Black dots are bad when you shave your legs.

2) Vanilla Bean Ice Cream from Alton Brown. 3 cups whole milk instead of 2 half and half and one whipping cream. No fruit preserves and only 2/3 cup sugar as per the reviews. Flavor=SO GOOD. Texture=KIND OF like ice cream, mostly like Italian ice or something. Because milk is more watery and water makes ice, not frozen cream. Would I do it again? Probs yeah.

Them’s the breaks, folks, so I guess I just hope you learned how an ice cream maker works and, incidentally, how to access THE BEST BAND EVER, whaaaat????!!!

About Jen Cantin

Follow Jen Cantin on Twitter if you have nothing better to do! Wouldn’t want to impose… Two cats and three times more ‘tude than the leading car insurance provider.
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