Eating Cake For Breakfast: A Three Part Argument

It’s all pretend, you guys. It’s just not real. Humans. We make this stuff up and it doesn’t make sense. Stay with me here, okay?

Part I: It is socially acceptable to eat an apple pie donut for breakfast but not a slice of apple pie?? Are you kidding me??

If you told someone you had apple pie for breakfast, average joseph at your workplace, what would they say? REALLY imagine what they’d say to you. Perhaps a joke about you “letting yourself go” to eat such junk for breakfast, or they wish they could be as carefree as you about their health, or that you’re just plain WEIRD! Eek!

Do you know the ingredients and nutrition facts of your Dunkin Donuts muffin or even MORE obviously your dunkin DONUT?? Yes, most of us know they post all these things publicly now, but do you seek them out? Of course not! No one does.

This Ghirardelli Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cake I randomly found which obviously looks AMAZING has 358 calories and 18.4 grams of fat per serving compared to 500 calories and 16 grams of fat in the blueberry, yes FRUIT, Dunkin Donuts muffin. And people wouldn’t give you shit for it! But they’d give you shit for the chocolate cake!

People! Just cut the shit! You are not a hilarious stand-up comedian, I’m sorry to tell you. Subtract those 30 seconds of unoriginal and needlessly negative hardy-har-har from your repertoire each morning and think of all the time you’ll gain to be a productive member of this society in any way, shape or form you can imagine. Your waste is depressing.

Part II: We’re not talking every day here, just those days when you’re like “I have no time, I have leftover chocolate cake, and I want it real bad.” The other unnecessary harm is that you’d give yourself health shit–aka guilt– about eating it. It’s all the same! Just forget about it and give in! You eat a donut or muffin for breakfast every once in awhile, just eff it and eat the cake!

Coffeecake, muffins, banana bread, pumpkin bread, donuts, pancakes, waffles, french toast, whatever coffee concoctions people drink nowadays– these are breakfast foods for occasional consumption. And a chocolate chip cookie is damaging to your health and social reputation to eat before noon?? This is the situation we have created.

Yes, try to eat a healthy breakfast most days, and yes, I know that calories and fat aren’t the only things to consider, there’s sat.fat, cholesterol, good fat/bad fat, glycemic index, if you’re up on these things. There are enough online resources you can explore to help you do so that I don’t have to stress that here.

Part III: A seasonal treat-yourself breakfast (haven’t made any good cakes recently, so yeah)

Combine 4 cups peeled and sliced Cortland or other baking apples with 1/2 cups white sugar and 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon in a greased baking, about the size pictured above.

In a separate bowl, combine 1 cup brown sugar, 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour, 1 cup oats (quick cooking, regular, doesn’t matter), 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 stick (1/2 cup) butter and 1/4 cup shortening and mush with hands until butter and shortening are evenly distributed and mixture is crumbly.

Pour evenly over apple mixture and bake at 375F for 40 minutes or until top is golden brown. Eat for breakfast one day and save the rest for desserts for you, your friends and family. 

Recipe adapted from Patricia Evans’ Big E Apple Crisp

Summary: Be honest with yourself that you are not going to eat an unsugared grapefruit half every single morning, just eat the cake for breakfast, forget the guilt and make small steps against arbitrary social customs. #FightThePower

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About Jen Cantin

Follow Jen Cantin on Twitter if you have nothing better to do! Wouldn’t want to impose… Two cats and three times more ‘tude than the leading car insurance provider.
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2 Responses to Eating Cake For Breakfast: A Three Part Argument

  1. Just FYI, there’s a pretty good chance that the blueberries in your blueberry muffins are probably not actually fruit. (Unless you make the muffins yourself, of course). Even more of an argument for cake! At least you know it’s made of food, right? http://articles.latimes.com/2011/jan/20/news/la-heb-fake-blueberries-20110120

  2. Annie says:

    haha yes! totally agree. Connie and I have macarons/ice cream for breakfast..at least once a week. 🙂

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