Do You Already Know What Moose Tracks Ice Cream Is?

If you don’t already know what moose tracks ice cream is and I am working at an ice cream establishment, you are permitted to ask me the question “What is moose tracks ice cream?” I will gladly tell you.

  • Vanilla ice cream
  • Fudge swirls
  • Mini-peanut butter cups

The question that you are not permitted to ask me is “Can I have a sample of the moose tracks ice cream?” This question is invalid. There is NOTHING subjective about moose tracks ice cream. Black raspberry ice cream, for example. Is it very sweet? Is it fake tasting? Are there actual chunks of fruit? A world of possibility. I will gladly go back there and get you a sample. How chocolatey is your chocolate? I understand.

But moose tracks. What’s to try??? Don’t make me look you in the eye while you lick the spoon with a “Hmm… Ohh… So this is… Vanilla, ohhhkay. I now have enough information to make my decision” because then we’re both living a lie. I have lived this lie before and don’t plan to do so again. Also as I am bustin my ass with these job applications, I hope not to be in the situation of public ice cream servant again.


I made this semi-aesthetically pleasing chart to serve as an aid for anyone who might be tempted to have other people do their work for them by requesting a sample moose tracks ice cream instead of using deductive reasoning. I have added visual aids to expedite the information’s journey to your brain. (Ice cream photo from wintersoul1.)

And it’s that simple. You will notice that this chart forces you to use deductive reasoning so we can both be on the same page knowing that there’s no reason for you to require a sample.

If you are a computer programmer who is seeking to educate both children and adults on how to order ice cream, I am willing to negotiate the sale of this “infographic” for use in an app for iPhone and Android operating systems. Ice cream bread ginger bread house. Bread. SANDWICH. Or whatever they call them these days.

Other questions to consider when ordering ice cream:

  • Do I want to chew my ice cream today (active) or allow its sweetness to melt in my mouth (passive)?
  • Do I realize that fruit flavored ice cream holds pretty much the same nutritional value as other varieties or am I still kidding myself?
  • Am I allergic to stuff?
  • Am I familiar enough with the next day’s weather forecast make honest and adequate conversation with the cashier?
  • Have I had an erection lasting four or more hours?
  • Am I someone who doesn’t check ahead of time if these places are cash-only?
  • Ice cream usually washes out of clothes, it’s okay.

Thank you.


About Jen Cantin

Follow Jen Cantin on Twitter if you have nothing better to do! Wouldn’t want to impose… Two cats and three times more ‘tude than the leading car insurance provider.
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6 Responses to Do You Already Know What Moose Tracks Ice Cream Is?

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