Muddy Buddy Breakfast Bars

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I actually think this concoction is pretty unique so I’m gonna make the title SEO friendly instead of stylistically convoluted to give myself a fighting chance in this world….

Do you guys know muddy buddies?

Do you?

Do you guys know puppy chow?

DO YOU??

Do you guys know (to a lesser extent) monkey mix?

DO YOU?????

WELL YOU DO NOW, I’ve done the work of Google image-ing them for you. This means chocolate, peanut butter, Chex cereal and powdered sugar all together as one for a snack some people would call ADDICTIVE depending on their family history, just kidding, that’s not nice.

Now, since I don’t drink coffee, I use the archaic method of depending SOLELY on the calories and nutrients in the foods I eat for energy. Plus my busy lifestyle means I need to wake up 9 or 10 minutes before I leave for work after 9 or 10 hours or sleep. Yet at the same time, I don’t like eating things I don’t like. These are the reasons I made this invention.

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Unlike the “traditional”(sneer) snack mix, these bars contain Puffins cereal, which I finally tried to see what all the PUFF was about, blurgh, and to benefit from a money-saving cereal sale. Real talk, they’re pretty bland and VERY crunchy so WATCH OUT! Do choose a highly crunchy cereal, though, so they don’t disappear into the main ingredient of just peanut butter.

Flimsy quick oats add health and do disappear into the main ingredient of peanut butter, so you’re basically eating them for free without knowing it like putting a pill in a dog’s food bowl but they actually eat it.

I also call them breakfast bars cause they have hella grams protein and fiber and not that much added sugar, so that’s my accomplishment of the day. Enjoy.

Muddy Buddy Breakfast Bars

Ingredients
3 cups Puffins OR any very crunchy cereal
1 cup quick oats OR regular rolled oats (for more texture)
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1/2 cup chocolate flavored protein power OR 1/4 cup sugar plus 1/4 cup additional cocoa powder
1/2 cup chocolate chips (optional)
2 tbsp butter
Heaping 1 cup peanut butter, crunchy, smooth, viewers choice
1/3 cup honey

In a large bowl, toss cereal, oats, cocoa powder, protein powder and chocolate chips until even distributed.

In a saucepan, melt butter, peanut butter and honey over medium heat. Heat and stir until liquidy and smooth.

Pour peanut butter mixture onto cereal mixture and stir until combined. If you’ve stirred and stirred and it’s still looking a little dry, add more peanut butter or honey (again, viewers choice) til all the dry gets absorbed by sticky.

Pour the mass of cereal etc. into an 8″x8″ pan and press flat. Refrigerate for about an hour. Cut into 9 pieces for breakfast or 16 for snacktime!

different strokes

Nutritional info that I was curious about. Calculations made on my own actually a little off because I added a bit more honey and pb and at that point I mean what’s done is done. Also does not include choco chips. This is for breakfast size:

Cal 290
Fat 19g 29% DV
Satfat 3g 15% DV
Sodium 204mg 9% DV
Carb 40g 13% DV
Fiber 4.5g 18% DV
Sugar 22g
Protein 14g 28% DV

Layman says, “not bad!”

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Why are red peppers more expensive than green?

This is a green bell pepper on a red cutting board because I’ve wanted to play a trick on colorblind people for years and this is finally my chance to shine. We’re talkin’ bucket list level stuff, here.

 

This is a green bell pepper in my home because I bought it instead of a red pepper because red peppers are always more expensive so if you’re only using a little bit then what’s the diff, ya know?

To answer everyone’s question including my own just there ^ green, yellow/orange and red bell peppers are all the same brothers and sisters!  Green peppers are the younger siblings of yellow and yellow the younger siblings of red. Quite literally, they are all exactly the same and can even have come from the same exact plant but red ones are ripest (“oldest”) so they’re the sweetest. 

This fact makes red more expensive cause it takes more time to grow them and time=money, again, quite literally here.

Bell peppers in general are the wide fatties that aren’t spicy at all, not even a little bit (to most palates).

What we have learned in the last paragraphs is:

  • Green are slightly more bitter
  • Yellow/orange (less common in stores) are in the middle
  • Red are sweetest.
  • Green are ALWAYS cheaper.

When should you bother with red? When the pepper in the dish is a big deal, probably. Which you can tell by if it’s wearing one of those shirts that says “I’m kind of a big deal.”

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Fine Dining for Fools, by Fools: Prix Fixe

Prix fixe literally means (in French) “fixed price.” Usually, you choose a soup/salad/app, an entree and a dessert from a limited menu of soups/salads/apps, entrees and desserts; and any combination of the three are the same price.

It’s like when you get invited to a wedding and have to choose fish, chicken or veggie entree except in that case the newlyweds have to pay the fixed price and not you, so that’s a much better deal (for you) compared to anything.

Sometimes wine is added for an added fixed price, usually about $20 extra. It’s typically only upscale restaurants that do this on a regular basis, but they are also common during a city’s “Restaurant Week” or on special occasions/holidays.

The opposite of prix fixe is à la carte, which means you can order any item off the menu straight “off the cart” in any combination, basically like normal. Like “chicken with green beans and mashed potato” is one “item” “off the cart.” Sometimes restaurants offer both on the same night, sometimes not.

You will know there is a prix fixe menu because somewhere on the menu it will say so. I honestly can’t find an example right now. Sorry. But yeah, maybe you take your gal out for a nice Valentine’s Day dinner at a real fancy spot. You looked at the menu last week but when you get there GASP, it’s all different and there’s no individual prices, it’s just divided into three sections. There’s only 3-5 choices for each course (app, dinner, dessert), the menu is terrifyingly bare!

Because of this I HIGHLY advise that if you are a picky eater and are going to a more upscale restaurant than usual on a holiday such as Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, etc. you check to see if there’s a prix fixe menu for that night before you make reservations. Usually 1-2 weeks prior the website will note if there is or not. You don’t wanna show up and find that the one dish you were gonna like isn’t being made that night.

Do you save money by choosing prix fixe when there’s a choice? If you were gonna get all three courses anyway then you probably save a few bucks. It kind of depends. You’re out at an expensive restaurant so I say just enjoy it at that point.

In conclusion, you know, we can all appreciate prix fixe because at Arby’s you can choose curly fries or regular fries but it’s still the same price. But no one in their right mind would choose regular fries. So dumb.

This post was brought to you as part of the “Fine Dining for Fools, by Fools” series, where this middle class foodie fool translates usually French words common in high end restaurants for you fools to feel smart at your next upscale event you’re invited to or special occasion.

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Fine Dining for Fools, by Fools: Pâté

So, they grind up meat and fat and put it back together again. Some countries bake it into a pie, some make it just like a chunk (like liverwurst, which is a type of pâté) and some make it spreadable. Truly a fancy feast!

But wait, I thought processed meats and processed anything was bad. No, you’re wrong. Not when it was invented abroad; that’s how fine dining works. I mean yes, hot dogs and processed lunch meats have “fillers” in them and lots of salt, whereas this stuff is mostly “real”(?) meat, but my point is that there’s probably a finer line than some food enthusiasts may admit to themselves in the mirror each night before bed.

Sometimes foie gras is made into pâté. Pâté itself is not really as popular right now but I include it because I always get the two mixed up for no reason. You and I can both remember the difference by how Mrs. Barton taught us that words with the carrot (circumflex) over the “a” mean that an “s” used to follow it centuries ago when language was different. That makes this word “paste,” which is what it is.

What does pâté taste like? Well, I have another great photo for your courtesy of answers.com! For the record, this came up on Google, I did not independently seek information on answers.com.

Informative!

Another hilarious piece of evidence is this study in which only 3 out of 18 people could distinguish DOG FOOD from a selection of meat pastes. And so the photo, though of course who wants two mewing kitties mewing around when you take a million pictures of their beloved wet food sitting on a plate? So I left it in the cans as a courtesy.

Other sources only say pâté tastes like liver. That’s all I got!

This post was brought to you as part of the “Fine Dining for Fools, by Fools” series, where this middle class foodie fool translates usually French words common in high end restaurants for you fools to feel smart at your next upscale event you’re invited to or special occasion.

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Tip of the Day: The “Tupperware Shake”

Do these cookies in the background in the mixer right there have cocoa powder in them? No, silly!  But it’s a new thing I thought of and consider pretty ingenious without much reason, perhaps.

So you know how everyone hates doing dishes especially people like me who have no dishwasher? Yeah. You know how every cookie recipe is like “in a separate bowl, whisk together dry ingredients (flour, salt, baking powder/soda, cocoa powder, spices)? Maybe you do, maybe you’re not a cookie fiend. Well EFF THAT, right?

When you finish up a convenient plastic container of cocoa powder, wash the remains out and put all your dry ingredients in THERE instead, then instead of stirring, just pop the cover on and shake it up! A much more thorough mix, then you don’t even have to bother washing it since the only thing you’re ever gonna use it for is the same exact dry ingredients! That’s two ways in which this method is better than “in a separate bowl.”

But wash it every now and then obviously. Or just use a regular tupperware container. Like a larger one maybe. That’s my tip of the day to make your life .01% easier.

The “tupperware shake” method also works for tempering egg yolks when making custards, which is when you add egg yolks to a warm milk mixture slowly so the egg doesn’t cook to quickly and make scrambled eggs. Whisk the eggs in a tupperware container instead of a bowl, then add a little bit of milk at the time, putting the lid on and shaking between each addition. Again, a much more thorough mix that for me left NO scrambled bits compared to my usual LOTS. You get the same amount of dishes instead of one less, but still.

So .02% easier, that is where I leave you this morning. Thank  you.

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Fine Dining for Fools, by Fools: Foie Gras

Back in fashion of late, they will put this stuff on ev-er-y-thing. Foie=liver. Gras=fat (meaning large). Duck=implied. Well, technically, the true French stuff comes from geese, not ducks, which are technically different, but imma go ahead and say ducks because grand frere ne voit pas! Check that out… But lots of people do use duck for real.

I have never had foie gras, meaning I have never paid $10 extra dollars for them to put it on top of my burger or whatever. Since it’s such a delicacy it’s usually not a full meal or would be a small one if you served it with some sort of vegetable side.

It’s supposed to taste rich and buttery (hence the photo) and wonderful kind of like how bacon tastes plain old amazing and everyone is obsessed with it. But you can get bacon added to your burger for $1.75. But it’s the same idea. It just tastes good, I guess universally.

…but does it taste so good for the duck??? NOT QUITE!

Foie gras is controversial because you have to force feed the duck to make its liver so fat and large. Some people ain’t for that even though ducks in their natural habitat are kind of funny. Like if you picture a duck sitting in some guy’s lap squirming its neck around and quacking like mad trying to escape another bite of Wonder Bread.

But no, it’s a serious issue. It’s obviously done in a horrifying way just like all other meat production. I personally have no opinion cause I don’t eat it (foie gras) and more immediate issues are right in my face like how do homeless people get homeless? Downtown Philly. True talk.

This post was brought to you as part of the “Fine Dining for Fools, by Fools” series, where this middle class foodie fool translates usually French words common in high end restaurants for you fools to feel smart at your next upscale event you’re invited to or special occasion.

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Fine Dining for Fools, by Fools: Charcuterie

Practice it. Know it. Believe it. It’s becoming more and more popular. What is it? A wooden cutting board with meat on it. I repeat, A WOODEN CUTTING BOARD WITH MEAT ON IT. Sharkooterie.

You get a sampling of thinly sliced cured meats, usually pork of Italian or Spanish origin, with some accompaniments such as olives, pickles, peppers or bread. You pick your own single meat, an array of meats or choose an array that the menu already decided went well together. You eat it before the meal. You share it. You get your day’s worth of sodium in a culturally-accepted manner.

Places that have charcuterie boards on the menu will also often have a cheese menu. Same deal but on the side you get a honeycomb, fig jam or other jam/berries and it sometimes comes on not a wooden cutting board. Sometimes it does. Cheese and crackers, friends. That’s all we’re after.

This post was brought to you as part of the “Fine Dining for Fools, by Fools” series, where this middle class foodie fool translates usually French words common in high end restaurants for you fools to feel smart at your next upscale event you’re invited to or special occasion.

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